


memories / sirius black

by heavenlycrypts



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 08:47:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20189521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenlycrypts/pseuds/heavenlycrypts
Summary: remus fell through the veil to his death at the battle of the department of mysteries. it’s been a few days since his death, but sirius can’t deal with his best friend’s death and the end of the marauders.





	memories / sirius black

**Author's Note:**

> heavy mention of death. small mention of cigarettes and alcohol!

It’d been three days but that night kept replaying over and over in Sirius’ mind. A witty joke, a flash of light, Remus dead, Harry’s scream, Bellatrix’s laughter. He couldn’t get it out of his mind. Sirius sat alone at the large dining room table, with all other chairs empty- a reminder of how much he’s lost over the years.   
  
The silence of the house was utterly terrifying, any movement he made echoed throughout the house. It was cold, and empty, oh so empty. Molly agreed to take care of Harry, along he knew at one point he had to get his shit together to face the boy. Sirius wrote on several post-it notes to thank Molly. He had barely gotten any sleep over the past two nights, nightmares that never stopped, awoke him from his slumber with a scream that bounced off the barren walls. The cold ached its way into his bones, he was rather slim than he used to be but he always blamed that on prison food. Sirius’ hair was mattered and unkept, small parts of it continuing to be wet due to the tears that next stopped. His eyes ached, his body was weak, his mind was suffering immensely. 

_ **when the night was full of terrors, and your eyes were filled with tears.** _

Sirius wouldn’t be able to describe how he was feeling if you asked him. Remus was really good at being able to tell what he was feeling without Sirius saying much, but that just reminded him of Remus and the tears started flowing again. But, most of the time he was numb, still in shock even. There were bouts of anger that arose every now and then, his brother would always say that he inherited his mother’s anger. But Sirius was angry mostly at himself. He found himself staring at the family tree for a while, eventually punching a hole in the wall- something he regretted immediately. In his entire life, Sirius had never cried this much, not even when James and Lily died, or in happiness when Harry was born. 

He had been alone in prison. But now, he was truly alone. Sirius flicked the ash of another cigarette into an empty bottle of alcohol. This had been his life for the past few days, smoking, a drink or three, crying, moping around the empty house and crying some more. It had been three day’s since he lost Remus. He lost James and Lily fifteen years ago. Peter betrayed them all. Sirius was the last remaining marauder, that was alive. They’d all be back together once he eventually left this world. But in the meanwhile, all he had was memories. Memories that were swirling around his brain like a catchy song that wouldn’t go away, that you had to face to get rid of.

_ **i don’t know what i’m supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you ** _

The table creaked as Sirius repositioned himself. His face was blank, tears starting to form. In his mind was a plethora of memories replaying over and over. He vividly remembered the awe and bliss on James’ face when he announced that he and Lily were expecting a child. They were all over at James’, just lounging in the lounge room, as they did so many years ago in the Gryffindor common room. They had just finished laughing at a joke that he had now forgotten, where a warm silence fell on the room. That kind where nothing was wrong and no words had to be said, each other’s company was enough. “Lily’s pregnant, she’s due in late July,” James said with a certain gleam and excitement in his voice. All of them had jumped up in matched excitement. He pictured each boy’s smile on their face. A thunk woke him out of his fake reality, he had accidentally split the rest of the alcohol. Now back in the present, Sirius broke down crying again.

His wails filled the apartment, his voice cracking as his crying got louder. His hands swatted the hair out of his face, it was now wet and sticking to his face. He longed for Remus or Lily to be here, to put it up in a tight bun once more, to brush his hair until it was well combed and knot-free. Sirius stumbled over to the kitchen, furiously grabbing a few tissues to wipe the snot and tears that made his face all glossy and shiny, as the moonlight peeked through the window and got in his eyes. Sirius jumped as that obnoxious clock that his mother had chimed off to announce that the hour ticked over into another. Pulling his sleeves on his jumper down to his hands, through sunken eyes, viewed the time. It had just reached one am. Sirius grumbled to himself, putting his right hand against the wall as he walked back into his messy bedroom before sinking himself into his bed.

_ **i’ve been searching for a trail to follow again.** _

It’s been three days and two nights that he lived without Remus. Three days without a purpose. Sirius shut his eyes and attempted to get some rest, because, god, he needed it. Once the first few nightmares played their course, Harry’s scream that echoed in his head, the content face of Remus as he took his last breath, he finally drifted off to sleep. 


End file.
